You have come to a crossroads in your relationship with the Narcissist.
Leaving has seemed impossible but you have finally come to the realization that you can’t stay. You have done your research and the perfect mask of your lover has changed in front of your eyes.
The fantasy has unraveled and in its place, you have realized that you are in nothing but a horrific nightmare of your own construction.
So you make a decision. It’s time to cut the ties. But there are some loose ends you need to tie up before you make the final transition out of the Narcissist’s life.
Ensure that they have access to nothing
I worked with a colleague whose narcissistic ex-wife managed to get into his work email and sent out horrifying emails to everyone on our team. The content of the emails had nothing to do with his job but were simply words to slander his character.
It was absolutely humiliating and it put his job in jeopardy, but his ex-wife was vindictive and knew that it was the only way to get his attention.
You have to accept that you don’t know the person you’ve been dating nor what they are capable of doing after their ego has been bruised. You need to ensure that they have no access to any of your personal details, accounts, anything that could be used against you.
Don’t tell them that you’re leaving
Even if you know that you’re about to end things, try as hard as you can to pretend like everything is normal.
If they get a sense that you are leaving they may start to try to sabotage you or try to convince you to stay.
You can’t win an argument. Trying to explain your reason for leaving won’t work. You can’t give them anything to twist and use against you, or anything to cause you to doubt yourself further.
It’s already going to be hard enough to end things when you do. Don’t give them a heads up to prepare a case against you.
Go no contact if at all possible
This is much more difficult if kids are involved but if they aren’t, you need to cut all ties.
You know that there is no point arguing. You don’t need to tell the Narcissist that you are going no contact.
Communication doesn’t work and you know this after the pointless arguments and beating your head against the wall for god knows how long. Block them on social, cut all ties, and block their phone number. They will try to reach you and it is imperative that they will not be able to do so.
Let go of the fantasy in your head
This is going to be the hardest part of the process.
You have been love-bombed into thinking you found Prince Charming. You were treated like a princess until suddenly Prince Charming disappeared and you tried everything to bring him back.
The truth is that you have to recognize once and for all, that the person you loved wasn’t real.
It was a facade. It was someone wearing a mask. And you know this truth deep down because you have seen the person behind the mask and it’s absolutely terrifying.
Let it go. You are a survivor and you don’t deserve to be treated with anything less than real love. Walk out the door and never look back.