Love is often romanticized as jumping in a relationship headfirst without using our head and only using our heart.
The thought of being swept off our feet as if life is often our own personal version of a fairytale that is instilled early in our lives.
Instead of enjoying the journey we only focus on the destination at hand and try to mold our relationships into what we want them to be instead of knowing who we are and who the person is that we are falling in love with.
These sorts of beliefs are what lead to disappointment. Here are the things you need to remember for a long-lasting and healthy love life.
Your relationship will always change
This part was always the most terrifying for me when it came to love. The fact that the honeymoon phase will eventually fade. The butterflies will quieten and they will change as you truly see the person that you’ve been dating.
This is when you have to decide if you are willing to accept your partner for all of their flaws. When they leave hair on the sink, the toilet seat open, or never go shopping because they live on trail mix.
The right relationship will be when you realize that you love someone for their quirks and work through the day to day parts of life instead of focusing on things being “perfect.”
One person can’t be responsible for your happiness
How do we not realize how absolutely insane this belief is? I mean yes, we are instilled to believe it at a very young age. But imagine if you were upfront with someone.
“Hi! I want you to be my everything. I’m going to depend on you to make me happy every second of every day and if you don’t I’m going to find someone else that temporarily will because I can’t stand to be alone with myself.”
It’s an impossible standard and going into a relationship with that belief is a surefire way to set yourself up for failure. The only person that is 100% responsible for your happiness is you.
Love is a long journey
It is impossible to meet someone and instantly fall in love with them. Love, at first sight, is a myth.
If you think you have fallen in love, at first sight, you are mistaken and you have fallen in lust. Lust can turn into love but you need to be aware that the crazy feelings you are experiencing are not feelings of “love.”
I was the queen of year-long relationships. I would jump ship when the rose-colored glasses began to dim because I would realize the person I started the relationship with wasn’t the person I thought they were.
True love takes sacrifice, work, and there are going to be a million moments when your partner drives you crazy.
You still have to make the decision to choose them each and every day even in the inevitable shitty moments of life.
A healthy relationship isn’t set in stone
I think that we can get in the headspace that once we’ve found a healthy relationship that’s our end all/be all.
Just because you found a healthy relationship doesn’t mean that you are meant or will want to stay with this person forever.
People change and evolve and it’s impossible to know exactly who we will be and what we will want in ten, twenty, or forty years from now.
All you can do is go into the relationship with the right expectations, give it your best shot, and know exactly what you want and desire in a partnership.