Self-Respect In Dating Is Undervalued

Carrie Wynn
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I know a girl, let’s refer to her as Melissa.

Melissa doesn’t want to be alone and constantly ends up in one bad relationship after another. Recently she ended a relationship with a Narcissist who was abusive and saw someone else for years behind her back. She was aware that he was cheating but didn’t want to leave him and turned a blind eye.

Now she is immediately starting to date someone else. Her reasoning is that she is ready to be in a relationship and isn’t getting any younger.

The new guy doesn’t sound like much of an improvement. Everything has to be on his time and he responds to her when he wants, and only spends time with her when it’s convenient for him.

She isn’t planning on setting any boundaries and is most certainly headed towards a similar situation as before.

I have also made the mistake in the past of falling into abusive or unhealthy relationships and not understanding why it kept happening over and over. I naively wondered why I was being treated so badly even though I wasn’t changing anything about my patterns and was a doormat.

As women, I believe that we will continue to allow men to treat us with a lack of respect until we set boundaries and realize our worth.

Think about it for a moment. How many times have you dropped everything for a man who hadn’t talked to you in days? You’ll wait for hours for a response and immediately text back. You plan your days around someone who can barely commit to something an hour before.

Perhaps you sleep with someone earlier than you want to because you’re afraid they’ll leave if you don’t give them what they want. Perhaps you do things you don’t feel comfortable doing because they push past your sexual limitations.

In fact, I believe that we are so afraid that if we don’t give men what they want, they will discard us. They won’t want us anymore. They will find someone else because it’s easy and there are plenty of girls to take our place.

Some men (the keyword here is some) are very much aware that if a girl doesn’t appreciate him being an asshole that there will be another one willing to deal with his shitty behavior that’s just a swipe or two away.

But here’s the thing…

Until you stand up for yourself the bad treatment is going to continue. It’s not going to magically stop.

Why on earth would someone respect you if you don’t respect yourself?

Is this the magic answer to everything? Will it keep shitty people from leaving? No, it won’t.

But you don’t want unhealthy relationships in your life you have to stop letting people into your world that don’t treat you well.

Let them leave, you’ll end up finding someone who actually respects you and deserves your time and energy.

I used to be guilty of that exact behavior. I would bend over backward for men and friends who weren’t wanting to meet me halfway. I would put their needs first and completely neglect mine until I completely depleted.

Finally, I came to the realization that I could no longer compromise with my routine, my boundaries, and my dealbreakers. I realized that if I didn’t respect my time and what I wanted I would continue to be walked all over.

I changed my patterns and found that I could have healthy relationships after all.

Healthy relationships that included boundaries, self-respect, and self-worth.


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I am a writer & relationship consultant that primarily deals with narcissism, overcoming abuse & trauma, and self-love. Contact me @ Blog: Instagram: carrie_wynnmusings


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