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I was fed up.
After years of dating and being in less than ideal/toxic relationships, I realized an undeniable truth. If I didn’t change my patterns I was going to end up repeating the same cycles over and over again.
So… I decided to make a list.
A list of all of the qualities I required in a partner that I would not settle without because, after all, we should have expectations for the qualities we want our future partner to have.
A few months later I ended up meeting someone who had every single one of the qualities on my list.
Everyone is seeking something different, but based on my experience and talking to friends and family, these are the most common qualities that are desirable in a partner.
#1. Someone who is fiscally responsible
I have always been quite frugal with money. Not in an extreme, pinch my pennies kind of way, but in a way that I am conscious of what I spend and ensure I’m not spending more than my means.
Before I met my current partner I dating someone for a couple of months who was… the opposite of frugal with money.
He wanted expensive dinners, designer clothes, and I knew that he didn’t have the means to be spending the way that he was.
Suddenly his dog broke a bone and because he had no pet insurance, all his savings was spent and suddenly he was broke. It turned out that he didn’t even have much money, he was just spending it as if he did.
Someone’s spending habits are something you should pay attention to as financial problems are one of the top reasons that couples get divorced… so don’t turn a blind eye!
#2. Someone who shares some of your common interests
When I dated in the past this wasn’t something that ever crossed my radar. If I liked someone, I liked someone.
However, as time went on I realized that interest in my relationships kept fading because… we had nothing in common.
Now I’m in a relationship with someone who shares many of my interests. We hike together, bike, run, read, can be social, etc. It’s just so nice knowing that instead of my partner wanting to play video games on the weekend, he wants to go camping or be active.
We don’t have all of the same interests, but the ones we do have allow us to do more things together.
#3. Someone you can depend on
A few years ago I was in a relationship with someone that I adored… but was never there.
On the weekends he would prioritize his friends and I was always on the back burner. I put up with it because I liked him so much but there was constantly a sinking feeling in my stomach because I knew that I couldn’t count on him.
Fast forward to my current relationship and I am constantly blown away by how supportive and dependable my partner is. Even when I have gone through some of the darkest times in my life he hasn’t batted an eye.
There have been moments when I was scared I would scare him away but those thoughts no longer come because I know I can depend on him to stick by my side.
#4. Someone who is emotionally stable
Even though I have survived trauma in my past, I would say that I am pretty emotionally stable.
However, a few years ago I dated someone who was… the opposite of emotionally stable. He struggled with depression and although I kept encouraging him to find a therapist, he refused and continued to lash out at me.
Things got worse and worse and I realized that it wasn’t the depression that was the issue (I struggle with depression) it was the fact that he was using me as his emotional punching bag instead of finding another way to work through his pain.
As someone who is highly sensitive, I tend to take on the emotions of people around me and have realized that I need someone who is more emotionally stable to balance me out.
#5. Someone you can laugh with
Recently while we were camping my partner and I were playing the love languages card game (which I highly recommend) which is just a fun way to get to know your partner better.
One question that came up was “What is something that you tell people you love about our relationship?”
My partner thought about it for a moment and then he answered.
“When we first started dating, my mom asked me what was something I really liked about you. I told her that every time we hung out I laughed until my stomach hurt and that’s something I still love. We are always laughing.”
I couldn’t agree more and the fact that I can laugh and have fun with my partner constantly is something I absolutely love about our relationship.
#6. Someone who is committed to making it work
Yesterday I had a long conversation with a friend who has been in a long-term relationship. She kept saying that she’s been miserable for months/years now and that she feels as if she doesn’t have a reason to stay. She said they no longer do anything together, and it’s constant fighting and her partner complains about her constantly but doesn’t do anything to help fix the relationship himself.
One person cannot pull the full weight of a relationship forever. Eventually, resentment will build up because both people need to be committed to making things work, or else they simply won’t.
You aren’t being picky if you have dealbreakers and qualities that are non-negotiable in your next relationship. Instead, you are setting yourself up for success because when you seek someone with great qualities you are going to inevitability end up with a great partner.