How Can Anyone Know You Better Than You Do?

Caroline de Braganza

(Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay)

The point is—they can’t.

How can anyone love you better than you love yourself? If you don’t love yourself, it’s difficult for others to love you because you’re afraid to let them in.

The people who’ve known you all your life are your parents who met you that day you came into this world. They may not be around now, or you may have cut off contact with them or never have known them.

The only person who has been with you since the time you were born, never separated for a day or night, standing with you no matter what, is YOU!

You can be your own best friend or worst enemy—you choose, you decide.

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." -Lucille Ball

You are perfect, just as you are

If I were to say lemons are red, you wouldn’t believe me. Why? Because you know they are yellow (or green before they ripen.)

Why believe what others tell you about yourself? Because they said so or because you perceive it’s true?

Do you consider you are perfect? Didn’t I just announce that?

If you responded “No”—why?

What if I said you were a terrible person - ugly, stupid, weak, worthless, a failure………

Would you nod and agree? Do you indulge in negative self-talk?


“Everyone is comparing lives on social media and wants the perfect body, perfect image, perfect outfit, perfect life - we're striving for this perfection, and it's so unhealthy because there's no such thing as perfection.” Emily Atack, English actress and comedian.

Our negative bias

Our brains have an instinctive inclination towards the bad; that served us well as a means of survival in a dangerous world. It’s in our genetic make-up.

“The evolutionary perspective suggests that this tendency to dwell on the negative more than the positive is simply one way the brain tries to keep us safe.”—Kendra Cherry, Very Well Mind.

Our brains are much more active in negative mode than in neutral or positive mode.

Bad news draws more attention. Nasty words linger.

Mental health professionals estimate we need a ratio of three to five times more positive information to counteract one slice of negativity.

“It would be easy to become a victim of our circumstances and continue feeling sad, scared or angry; or instead, we could choose to deal with injustice humanely and break the chains of negative thoughts and energies, and not let ourselves sink into it.”― Erin Gruwell, The Freedom Writers Diary.

Who is your best friend?

Without doubt, you are!

And if you haven’t come to that conclusion yet—that’s okay.

I spent decades believing I was worthless, unlovable and insignificant until the blessing (yes, the blessing) of depression took me on a pathway to discovering myself, my true Self.

Even now, there are days when my thoughts and beliefs about me swirl and whirl around my brain; when I make judgements about others and fixate on all that’s wrong with them; when one hurtful word hangs around my heart.

But because I’m my finest friend, I entrust myself to tune in to the inner dialogue and talk myself out of my funk.

Despite that, I’m content with who I am.

So too should you be with who you are.

Let the music play and motviate you!

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Published essayist. Follow me for local news that impacts our lives, plus stories on public and mental health. Through writing, I also share my passion for music, politics, our environment and social justice, and hope you find value in my words.


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