Self-conditioning happens much faster than you think.
The Universe. Your higher self. Your consciousness. Call it what you will, but know that it listens to everything that comes out of your mouth. Everything you think. Everything you write. In a word: anything that embodies your emotions.
A few years ago, I was forced to go every day to an internship. I hated every minute of it. Every morning I dreaded the moment the alarm clock went off. As I got ready with a weight on my conscience, I would express to my ex-girlfriend how much I didn’t want to go. I grumbled. I complained. I did that a lot back then, about anything and everything.
One day she wasn’t there. So I didn’t complain, since I didn’t have an audience. And to my surprise, I found that it was easier to leave that morning. I still hadn’t had a great day, but I felt less like I was going to the slaughterhouse.
The next day, I complained in my head. And it was horrible again to get on the Paris subway.
That’s how I understood how powerful thinking and talking are. Actually, it works with writing too. Call it what you want, but the Universe seems to be watching you very closely.
We hold onto the mindset we’ve created for ourselves.
I have a theory about that. When you are not thinking about something, even if you consciously try not to think about it, you are not formulating anything, either positive or negative, about it. So you remain free and open to any experience that comes your way. But when you make your thought “real”, you condition yourself. You persuade yourself. I said I didn’t want to go to the internship, so now I have to really not want to go, to stay consistent with what I said. Or wrote. Or thought. To keep my credibility.
Making your thoughts real traps you. Negatively, but also positively.
“Focusing on negative thoughts may lead to decreased motivation as well as greater feelings of helplessness. This type of critical inner dialogue has even been linked to depression, so it’s definitely something to fix.
Those who find themselves frequently engaging in negative self-talk tend to be more stressed. This is in large part due to the fact that their reality is altered to create an experience where they don’t have the ability to reach the goals they’ve set for themselves.” — VeryWellMind
It’s proven that complaining only brings more negativity. I don’t do it anymore. But when I am grateful, I express it, so I can use the magic of it to my advantage.
The idea, however, is not to repress negative feelings. It’s unhealthy and would only create more friction. One way to do something about it is to practice “constructive thinking”. That is, not complaining, in the sense of expressing how you don’t want to do this or that, or how this or that is bad but using it to understand why you feel that way, and how you can solve the problem.
For example, talking about a problem with a friend, but not just on the surface. In-depth. And in a constructive way. Same thing with writing. Pour your thoughts onto paper, but don’t just skim the surface and complain. Dig deeper. Find out why, and what you can do about it.
It’s a fine line. A dangerous game. But that’s how problems are solved.
Next time something upsets you, don’t take the easy way out, which is to complain. Observe how much more tension it creates in you when you do. The more I complain, the more upset I get, the bigger the problem seems to get. It becomes even more complicated to get out of the state of mind you’ve trapped yourself in. This is what we mean when we say that human beings wallow in their negativity.
It’s easier to stay sad or angry. Except that this is not the solution. It doesn’t solve anything. I am not suggesting that you smile at everything that upsets you. However, stopping for a moment and listening to your feelings without judging them, paying attention to your emotions (which are messengers), and seeing how you can adjust the situation or adapt the way you perceive it, that is constructive.
Whether it’s in your head, orally, or on paper, it’s a constructive way to deal with your emotions. I’d be you, I’d try it next time.