#1. Unprecedented times
My ears will start bleeding if I hear this yet another time. From the CEO’s in offices to the news anchors on prime-time, this word has been brutally abused.
Yes, we live in uncertain times, unpredictable times and unparalleled times.
True that, but weren’t we warned several times by Hollywood before — now, you cannot deny that. They have made more movies on apocalypse than we can ever imagine. And I bet you have watched at least a dozen yourself. Remember this line from Will Smith in ‘I am Legend:’
“God didn’t do this, we did.”
#2. Social distance
Yes, we all need to maintain 1.5 meters' distance while we are outside. But don’t behave like lunatics or untouchables. Just be reasonable, that’s all. And God forbid if you sneeze (let alone cough), all heads turn as if you accidentally showed them your secret vest laden with hydrogen bombs on it.
#3. Flatten the curve
While governments are trying their best to flatten the curve, and there are quite a few that are successful as well, there are a few curves that refuse to flatten especially with all the cooking and eating that’s going on.
Flattening the curve can seem like a task, but growing one is relatively easy. All you need to do is follow the advice — Eat-Sleep-Rinse-Repeat.
Simple isn’t it?
We have all become Gordon Ramsay of our homes, which isn’t that bad if you can think about it. Imagine the creativity that we shall see on the other side of it — Dalgona will seem like a child’s play.
#4. Stay home/Stay safe
Stay home just like you have for all your fucking life. You need no guidance to do what you have been doing for all your life now, especially not with all that Netflixing and late-night binging every evening all evening.
Plus the chance to be the Mary Kondo of your house — doing an early spring clean and reminiscing through the archive of your old photos. It sure is a good time. Let’s live a little more before we step back into the chaotic world and start to wreak havoc back into the worldly order.
Let’s enjoy our time home and let the animals enjoy their time out.
#5. Wash your hands for 20 seconds
I think they forgot to add keeping the tap closed. Especially since the video came out, showing Dr Fauci washing his hands the right way, I have been wondering — How did we all get it wrong up until now? (and universally that too!)
Anyway, for those who haven’t watched it — here it goes —
First, you got to wash the insides of your palms, then the wrist and then the top of both your hands. Ok not done yet, don’t run. Come back. Now, interlace your fingers to wash the area between your fingers, hymn your favourite song, count your facial hairs, think of the leftovers in the fridge and finally make circular motions with your nails on your palms.
I hope you are doing this each time every time and it’s alright if you don’t get the hymn right — as long as you got that virus off of your hands — that’s the main aim. Not to make you all into Oprah, that’s not going to happen anyway.
#6. We are all in this together
Oh, yes, we are. We are all in this beautiful mess together. Because unlike humans, the virus doesn’t discriminate based on religion, sex, caste, creed or age. Oh no, sorry I take back age — it does discriminate based on age — after all, it has its own prejudice and bias.
While it sounds beautiful — we are in this together, the question we should ask is — are we really together?
If we are, why is that the poor suffer more than the rich? Why are the migrant labourers in India fearing death by starvation than Coronavirus? Why are the blacks in the US being hit harder than the whites? And lastly, why are the Chinese being despised the world over?
And you aren’t one of those shallow, myopic and racist people out there. You are better than them.
#7. The world as we know it has changed forever
Ok, I am sorry, but my world just seems to be the same. I still got to work on my projects from 9 to 5, do the dishes, wash clothes, dry them, fold them, iron them, cook lunch, vacuum the floor, mop the floor, water my plants, prep for dinner, work out, talk to my folks sitting in another continent.
And how can it possibly have changed when we still got Trump, Putin, Modi and Johnson around (Yes, he is out of ICU and is well recuperating).
The world just decided to pause for a little to breathe and rejuvenate, that’s all.
#8. How to be more productive while you work from home/remote work
Ok, the phrase wasn’t discovered during the pandemic, but it seems so with the surge of articles around working from home. While I appreciate the advice that’s coming, really I do, but sometimes the internet just seems to confuse the hell out of me.
I say trash the advice (including from me; I will have used a few myself), set your own rules and just slay it.
Disclaimer — The pandemic has some serious impacts on the daily lives of billions of people. This piece is not undermining any of those impacts. It is an attempt to find some humor in this rather challenging and stressful times. Hope you enjoy reading it.