Have you fallen out of love with your partner?

Antoinette Lavoisier


(Photography by Getty images)

At some point in all relationships the passion begins to fizzle out. During those challenging times many people in relationships began to wonder if they are still in love with their partner and still want the relationship.
For couples who are still in love with each other eventually they find new ways to connect and rebuild the intimacy and passion in the relationship. If you have fallen out of love with your partner you will find that rebuilding the connection is extremely challenging, because you truly don't want to be in the relationship anymore. It's unfortunate but the simple fact is people can and sometimes do grow out of love with each other. The problem is quite often many people are unaware that they are no longer in love . The reason why they may be unaware that they are no longer in love is because they still have strong attachments to their partner and the relationship. They mistake their attachments for love when actually all they have left is dependency . Have you fallen out of love with your partner but have not moved on because of attachments. Here are 5 signs that you may have fallen out of love with your partner.

1. you have fantasies about not being in the relationship

If you often fantasize about being single or with someone else it may be loneliness, it may be boredom or it may be you are not in love with your partner anymore. Often before we truly know how we feel or what we want we will play out scenarios in our head to try it on first before committing to it. Having fantasies help people that feel stuck in a unfulfilled relationship see a possibility of happiness outside of the relationship. If you have fallen out of love with your partner your mind may be filled with fantasies about the relationship you would truly like to have or the kind of person you would rather have a relationship with. Your mind is trying to prepare you for a different option because you are not happy with the reality of your current relationship. People assume their fantasies are simply just their imaginations running wild but fantasizing is usually the first step in making big decisions.

2. your partner no longer looks attractive to you

As the saying goes, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." The perspective of what we perceive to be beautiful to us changes based on how we feel. The more connected and passionate we feel about someone the more attractive they appear to us. In the beginning of a relationship people find each other attractive. If they grow together and fall in love they will find each other even more attractive. Love makes everything and everyone more beautiful to us. If the love dies in the relationship the attraction usually goes out the door with it. If your partner suddenly looks ugly to you despite the fact they still look the same as when you where completely into them, it's because you have lost the attraction. The lose of attraction in a relationship is a huge sign that you may not be in love with your partner anymore. Once you fall out of love with someone you lose the beauty veil and began to see your partner as just walking imperfections. I have experienced falling out of love in a relationship before. I remember constantly asking myself what I ever saw in my partner. It was as if his face had morphed into a monster to me.

3. you develop obsessive crushes outside of your relationship

It's normal to have crushes on other people while you are in a relationship. Just because you are in a relationship with someone other people are not going to stop being attractive. It's okay to notice that some is attractive or have celebrity crushes on people you may never meet. What is not okay is if you have crushes on other people that you obsess over because you truly want to be with them. People who develop obsessive crushes stalk their crush on social media, flirt with their crush and have fantasies about jumping ship out of their relationship with their crush. In many cases if they don't physically cheat with their crush they tend to emotionally cheat on their partner with them. Emotional cheating is when a person feels closer to the other party and may experience increasing sexual tension or chemistry. They may share intimate thoughts and feelings with their crush or personal information they should not be sharing about their relationship. If you have gotten entangled with a crush outside of your relationship it may be because you are no longer in love with your partner and you are unconsciously seeking another lover.

4. you cheat on your partner

People cheat for many different reasons. Some people are just lonely or unsatisfied with their relationship but if the relationship improved they wouldn't cheat at all. Other's cheat because they know they have fallen out of love or do not feel the same. Due to financial attachments, security attachments or codependent attachments they stay in the relationship and seek out their desires on the side. If you are already cheating on your partner it may be because you have fallen out of love. When the love is gone for your partner the intensity of wanting a connection with someone else increases. Many people who are no longer in love with their partner find it very hard not to cheat. They convince themselves that they are a victim of their relationship to justify their behavior. They believe they are deserving of happiness even if they have to sneak around and lie about it to have it. It's clear that they do not love their partner. They become so consumed with meetings their own desires that they do not even consider how deeply hurt their partner would be if they knew.

5. you feel uncomfortable when your partner touches you

If you cringe inside when your partner rubs your back or tries to hold your hand is because you have lost the love. To feel uncomfortable by a touch from someone who cares about you suggests that you don't want them to touch you. It's normal to not want your partner to touch you if their is tension between the two of you after and argument or disagreement. It's not normal to never want any physical contact with your partner. Some people are so uncomfortable with being touched by their partner that they allow them to be physically intimate with other's instead. If you aren't comfortable with that dynamic in your relationship it's better to be honest about the way you feel. Both you and your partner deserve to be loved by someone who wants to touch them.

It can be difficult to shift though your feelings sometimes and be honest about what is true because relationship can be difficult and confusing. If you have discovered that you are no longer in love with your partner have enough care and empathy for them to tell them the truth. Do not string people along even if you are only confused about the way you feel your partner deserves to know. In some cases you may still have the love for your partner and just don't know how to make the relationship work. Proper communication and a strong desire to fix the problem in your relationship can save it if it's what you really want. If it's not what you really want accept the way you feel. Move on to a relationship that better meets your needs or be single for a while to be sure about what you truly want in a relationship in the future.

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