reason why you are not being heard in your relationship One of the most common problems in relatio

Antoinette Lavoisier

(Photography by Getty images)

One of the most common problems in relationships is poor communication. Many of us fail drastically in communicating our wants, needs and feelings and without proper communication relationships are destined to fail. Communication is essential to the health and growth of relationships of all kinds. Those of us who are unable to communicate well often feel trapped and uncomfortable because they don't feel like they are being heard. In many cases they are not being heard because their method of trying to be heard is not as direct as it needs to be. Here are 4 of the most common mistakes you may be making that leads to communication issues in your relationship and how to change it.

1. You suppress your feelings

The most common mistake that people make in communication is suppression of how they actually feel. People suppress their feelings for all kinds of reasons, but the most common reason is that they are not comfortable with the way they feel enough to share it with someone else. There are times we may feel shame or discomfort for feeling jealous, angry or sad. Some people like to try and maintain a mask of strength because they feel uneasy expressing vulnerability. Being vulnerable in your communication with people you value is one of the best things you can do in your relationship. Vulnerability drops the defensive wall that some hid behind to protect themselves. It allows honest communication that grows a connection between people and strengthen the bond. When we are vulnerable it let's the person we care about know that we love them, value the relationship and trust them with our feelings. It's also important for us to be vulnerable with those we love so that they can nurture, support us and understand us. Unfortunately many people have adapted to hiding their feelings because they have history of people exploiting, mocking or simply not caring how they feel. Despite past experiences we must chose to be open in our communication about how we feel. It's the only way to be certain that those we have relationships know who we are and love and accept us as we are.

How to fix it

Just be yourself. Allow your feelings to flow and be honest about it. The more up front and open you are about how you feel the better you will feel and the better you will be received by others. Suppression of oneself can lead to unhappiness and eventual depression. If there is no one you trust to be open with about who you are and how you feel try talking with a therapist or counselor. A professional will aid you in over coming your fears to learn how to express yourself.

2. You don't actually know what you want.

There are so many different options available to us all that a lot of people don't really know what want in life. In many situations we all have had to make major decisions before we understood who we were in the first place. For example most people hate their career choice because they chose it when they were nineteen years old fresh out of high school with no life experience.
On top of that there is so much outside influence trying to tell us who we must be. Society is constantly trying to manipulate us into a cardboard cut out of someone else's dream and aspirations trying to convince us that it's our own. Then there's our families that want us to marry who they want us with, choose the career they want us to have, and just basically direct our life's like we are plastic dolls with no will or want of our own.
We allow outside influences to push us away from our authentic selves into things we don't actually desire. We wake up miserable one day wondering how did I get here? It's likely you lost the ability to know what you really wanted for yourself under all the commands of other people's expectations. When you don't know what you truly want it is very difficult for other people to understand you or know how to even respond to you.

How to fix it

Get back to your roots and connect with who you were before you got lost in trying to be who people expected you to be. The only way to truly know what you want is to listen to your own voice and follow your instincts. Began to work on doing more of what feels good and natural for you to do instead of what other people want you to do. Invest in getting to know yourself to learn about what is truly important to you. The more you learn about yourself the more clear the answers about what you truly want will come to you. Once you figure it out it will be easier to communicate with other's what your desires are and form stronger connections .

3. you are afraid to offend your partner

Sometimes people are afraid to communicate their true feelings in relationships because they are afraid that other people won't be pleased with them. People fear offending someone they value because they are afraid to lose them. If you lose someone just because you express feelings in a clear and none threatening way that they don't like then they were never invested in you in the first place. It's absolutely normal that you are not going to please people and you are not supposed to. Even if you try really hard to make sure everyone is happy with you I can guarantee you that some one will always have something negative to say about you. When you voice your feelings even if it does upset someone there is still so much to be accomplished. Acknowledging issues in a relationship helps both people get to know each other's likes and dislikes. It also allows people the chance to correct their behavior and express sympathy and apologize if an apology is necessary. Every time you face an obstacles with someone you care about and properly communicate to fix it the relationship gets stronger and better for both people. The only reason to ever be concerned about offending someone you care about is if they are mentally or physically abusive to you already in the relationship. If you are in a relationship that is abusive to your body and mind please seek help and move on.

How to fix it

When communicating anything that you believe will trigger or upset your partner chose your words wisely. Avoid abusive communication like name calling or being abrasive with your language. Speak gently and remember that this is someone you care about and want a relationship with. At the beginning of any difficult conversation know your point, what you want to accomplish from the conversation before you have it, and state just that as plainly as possible. If you struggle with getting the words out try writing them down with the same goals in mind. Someone that equally cares about you will be open to your communication and will appreciate your approach and honesty.

4. you try to manipulate people into understanding you to get what you want

Do not play games in relationships with people you care about because if you do you take a chance on eventually losing them. Trying to manipulate the actions of others by using silent treatment, or withholding affection or love for attention is emotionally damaging and abusive. These kinds of behaviors are often used by narcissistic individuals to make people chase them to get what they want. It's very common in todays society to pretend and manipulate because people want love and attention but they don't want to take any risk in giving it back. Love is worth the risk. If you are not ready to give love you are not ready to receive it.

How to fix it

If you want to be acknowledged or have your needs or wants met simply tell people what you want and what's not working for you. If they are unconcerned with your wants and needs then let them know you are moving on. You take your wants and needs and get them filled else where with someone who appreciates you. The only reason to ever go silent on someone and behave like you aren't interested in them is when you really mean to establish boundaries to move on without them.

We all can move forward with better communication skills if we are just open and honest about who we are and what we want. Sometimes that can be hard for us but in order to build healthy relationships we must continue to try. Don't stay silent in your relationship or your life because you deserve to be heard and acknowledged like everyone else. Express yourself and give people the opportunity to see and experience the real you. Some people won't like it but the ones who do will love you they way you deserve just for being you.

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My mission is to provide proper mental and emotional help for those who need support to over come difficult life challenges. Many people need help with healing past trauma and increasing self esteem to overcome body image and self worth issues. I intend to provide information to help people better love themselves and achieve their dreams. I have been a successful body positive inspirational content creator since 2014. I will provide helpful information for other social media content creators that will help them grow and thrive in social media as well.


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