How to recognize when you and your partner should breakup

Antoinette Lavoisier

( illustration by Getty images)

It's unfortunate but not all relationships grow together. Sometimes without even noticing couples will grow apart as they age and life experiences begin to change them. Many people stay in relationships long after the connection has died out instead of moving on due to an attachment to a familiar person instead of an actual desire to be with that person. Here are some signs to help you recognize when the light has gone out in your relationship and it's time to move on.

1. Separate life goals

The first sign that you and your partner may have grown apart is that you start to live separate life's with different life goals in mind. When you first met you may have been on the same page about the mundane things like where you want to live, what kinds of activities you like to do together, and your family values. Now it seems like you are on opposite sides and are no longer a team because your partners goals and aspirations have changed. As the relationship begins to age your partner may have redirected their attention to their career, their friends, or desires to move half way across the country away from everything you love. They may have wanted to get married or have kids in another 3 years earlier on but now they are constantly talking about just the two of you in the future. Anytime a persons couple goals begin to shift in a relationship it can feel like a betrayal to the other partner. In truth it is not a betrayal its simply a change of character. It's unrealistic to expect that someone we know will stay the same in the way they think, behave and feel as life shapes them into a different person. Many spouse's and long time couples show significant changes in behavior after the birth of a child, death of a parent, or a life threatening or altering experience. They may begin to feel totally different about the choices they have made with you in their life and seek to live a life more authentic to themselves. It may be hurtful to discover this but it's a harsh reality about relationships of all kind. In circumstances like theses it's best to accept that you and your partner want different things for your life and allow each other to move on with their goals. The last thing you want to consider is conforming to the new desires of your partner. If you abandon what's important to you for your partner it will cause resentment and lead to regret in the future.

2. You spend more time apart than together

When you are constantly away from your partner you are missing the experience of witnessing their growth in life and the opportunity to grow together. If you aren't there to grow with them it's inevitable that you will grow apart. When couples become comfortable being apart it's likely that the relationship will drift to an end. Relationships require communication, quality time together and intimacy to grow. If you notice that your partner seems perfectly fine away from you for long periods of time, it's because they have a separate life from yours where you are not a priority. In order for a relationship to be successful both parties have to make each other a priority in their life. If your partner doesn't make you a priority don't waste your time waiting for them to do so. Move on and find someone who truly wants to have a life with you.

3. Constantly irritated by each other's presence

When you and your partner are together is there always tension and arguments? If so it may be simply because you don't like each other anymore or value each other company. Quite often you will find couples that can't stand each other anymore and instead of moving on they just stay together and fight everyday. It's wildly unhealthy because those kinds of relationships become very toxic. The anger and resentment can build up so badly that one or both parties can become physically or emotionally abusive. If the couple has children the abuse to each other will also affect the children in the home . It is not worth it to stay in relationships like this because we all deserve someone who wants us, loves us and appreciates us. If you and your partner don't know how to be good to each other anymore it's best for the both of you to move on to find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you.

4. You stop showing each other physical love

There are many health issues or sometimes emotional issues like depression that may slow down the sex or physical connection in a relationship. If you know that your partner isn't experiencing either issue, but they no longer touch you this is a red flag. There is a great possibility that your partner no longer feels an attraction to you. In all relationships physical affection goes up and down due to normal life challenges but it's never supposed to just stop. In many cases this is also a sign that your partner may have formed a physical bond with someone else they feel loyal to. Showing physical affection in a relationship grows the connection between yourself and your partner. If your partner doesn't hug you, kiss you, or even hold your hand, or rub your back they are avoiding connecting with you. If you ask them why and they avoid the conversation your partner has checked out of the relationship and just hasn't moved on yet.

5. You don't feel supported by your partner

Is your partner your biggest fan?

Do they support your goals and motivate you in your career or to reach your dreams?

Do they take up for you when people are against you?

If not then your partner does not support you or what’s important to you. If your partner loves you they will do all of those things and more. If you find that your partner doesn't defend you or support what is important to you, your partner maybe showing a lack of interest due to a lack of feelings for you. People that love us love to see us happy and want to protect us from harm naturally. They are the first to cheer us on and up and their love empowers us to reach our dreams and highest potential. They will not allow others to talk negatively about you or to you. You are a important part of their life that they require others to respect. If your partner used to do those things and now have stopped they may not value you the same way anymore . It's best to move on from someone who doesn't support you because eventually the lack of support from you partner will lead to bigger problems and create a bigger strain in the relationship. Always remember that you do not have to settle for an empty relationship where you do not feel protected and supported. Move on past a relationship that is dying and thrive with someone who appreciates you.

6. You don't trust each other

If you or your partner has begun to accuse each other of cheating or doubting your truth or whereabouts in the relationship you no longer trust each other. Sometimes in relationships there has been so much lies and betrayal that one or both people try to forgive and forget but are unable to move past the hurts to heal . It is difficult to not be trusted by your partner because it creates an uncomfortable environment for both parties. The person who is not trusted feels the need to constantly prove themselves but feels resentment toward the other party for not trusting them fast enough. That is irrational and disrespectful because you cannot force someone to move past pain you may have caused them. Everyone processes pain differently and it can be difficult to move on past bad actions. To trust someone again after they caused you pain feels like a sacrifice to oneself to get hurt again. In most cases like these to move on and forgive a partner may require professional assistance or a start over in the relationship.

For the person who can't trust they may never feel the same for their partner ever again even if it is possible to forgive them. In some cases if a partner cannot forgive they become hyper vigilant of their partners behavior and start checking phones and making accusations that may not be true because they can't move on. It can make the other partner that has actually changed their ways feel like a forever guilty prisoner. This behavior is not healthy for either party in the relationship. In cases like these where partners can’t trust each other it is better to move on. No one wants to be a prisoner who's constantly accused and no one wants to constantly worry about their partner hurting them again. It's okay to just accept how you feel and be honest with the other person if you are unable to trust them and let go. All relationships are built on trust and after trust is lost it is very hard to gain again.

It may not be easy to move on from relationships when they have tapped out, but life is too short to commit to someone you are unhappy with or someone who is unhappy with you. Your time is valuable and your life is worth living in a way that is honest and authentic. Life is as much about knowing what to walk away from as it is about knowing what to grow and stay with.

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My mission is to provide proper mental and emotional help for those who need support to over come difficult life challenges. Many people need help with healing past trauma and increasing self esteem to overcome body image and self worth issues. I intend to provide information to help people better love themselves and achieve their dreams. I have been a successful body positive inspirational content creator since 2014. I will provide helpful information for other social media content creators that will help them grow and thrive in social media as well.


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