The progression of envy

Antoinette Lavoisier

(Photography by Getty images)

When we create special bonds with people that share common interest with us it brings love and excitement to our life's . It feels really good to know someone in the world understands you, shares common interest with you, and likes you for being you. It would be wonderful if all of the relationships we create with other's was all positive energy. In most cases especially for those of us with a lot of friends, it's very likely that our circle is infested with toxic relationships. One of the biggest motivations for a toxic relationship is the secret envy of people around you. Here are 6 signs of the secret progression of envy around you.

1. They are already struggling with their self esteem and self worth

Envy is often rooted in low self esteem and caused by dissatisfaction with yourself. You may have a friend who believes themselves to be the under dog in their circle of friends. No matter how wonderfully awesome you believe them to be they may have low self esteem and self worth steaming from a traumatic or unhealthy childhood. They may likely not be comfortable with their personal appearance, life achievements or their ability to change their destiny. Many of us may want to help people that behave this way by being a good friend to them. If you are not mentally and emotionally healthy yourself with strong boundaries I advise against choosing people like this to be your friend. The reason why is their problems with themselves becomes everyone else's problems that hang out with them. People who are unhappy with themselves are not comfortable around confident optimistic people . They tend to bring down the energy in the relationship by constantly being negative. If they are unable to bring you down to their level your positive energy will be perceived as a threat . If they do embrace your energy without being motivated by their authentic identity and willingness to improve themselves in a healthy way their attachment to you can become codependent and create a toxic relationship .

2. They begin imitating you

Have you noticed that your friend is a copy of you?
They used to have their own personal style when you met them. Now they dress exactly how you dress. Their house decor looks exactly like your house. They use your lingo when they talk and you notice they are always acting like you.
At first you may find this behavior of theirs to be endearing. After all imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. You may believe that they just admire you and that is likely true. Admiration is usually the beginning stage of envy. Your friend may perceive your life to be perfect in some way. They think you have the best style, always gets the best opportunities, or they may just like how much attention you attract from others. The admiration is the reason they start imitating you in the first place. They think that by imitating you they will attract the same kind of energy as you. They may get a bit of the energy you attract by being your mini me, but because they aren't you it will never be as much as yours. As time passes all the things they admired about you becomes repetitive and they begin to compare their life to yours. For every thought they have negative about themselves compared to a positive they perceive about you they will start to build resentment against you because of it.

3. They become uncomfortable with your success

Earlier in the relationship when they admired you they may have complimented you all the time. They may even have love bombed you to get closer to your success to live vicariously through you. Have you begin to feel the insincerity of their compliments now? They may say you always do that or fake smile with flat congratulations. They don't want to hear you talk about yourself because all they hear is gloating and bragging in every word. Anytime you accomplish anything they are the least supportive. They suddenly disappear and become busy with their other friends. The truth is they are not busy they just simply can't stand to see other people genuinely congratulate you or you shine in your accomplishments. Your success to them is their failure. They have become uncomfortable with the shadow they perceive to be cast over them when you are in the light of your success.

4. They celebrate your failures and talk about you behind your back

If you get to big and too bright they will be there to cut you down and shrink you. When you make even small mistakes or mishaps they may be the person laughing the loudest in the room and they will never allow you to forget it. They will whip out old embarrassing stories about you among strangers, your other friends, or colleagues they don't really know. Often many envious people appear to be the biggest jokesters in the room. They use jokes to say what they have been thinking and feeling and if you get offended they back out of it with the excuse they were just joking. If someone says something nasty or embarrassing about you avoid laughing with them to smooth things over and observe how they react. Naturally they will throw the old I was just joking at you so prepare for that. A envious person will proceed with offending you because they will enjoy getting a rise out of you, and that's exactly the response you are looking for. A real friend that offends you will be concerned about offending you and offer a serious and sincere apology excluding jokes or sweeping the conversation under the rug.
Someone who is envious of you and humiliate you in public is probably talking about you behind your back as well to celebrate your failures. They do this because they need people to support their negative feelings and because they want other people to feel negative about you too. If they can get people to hate you or dislike you they see it as a win and conformation that their negative feelings towards you are valid. They may even be out there trying to ruin your entire reputation by trying to tell your secrets and twist your character to make themselves look good. Look out for this kind of person and pay attention to the way they treat you.

5. They try and make you feel bad about your success or yourself

One of the most common things said by people who envy you is that you have changed or you think you are all that. These statements are often said by people you may have grown up with. People who have started from the same place you started are in constant competition with each other for success . They may say those types of things to make you feel like you are no longer part of the group and that you are something else less desired by people you have always known. Implying that you are bad because you are different or being concerned about how you feel about yourself is a huge sign of envy. People that truly love and value us are happy to see us grow up and be able to efficiently support ourselves while having healthy self esteem. How you feel about yourself is never anyone else's business. No one is born without insecurities or hardships that were difficult to grow through. To reach a place where you are content to simply be who you are is a beautiful and well deserved accomplishment. Do not allow unhealthy habits and insecurities in others to make you feel bad for accepting and loving yourself.

6. They still want to be in your life no matter how much resentment and hatred they build up against you

This is the strangest sign of envy to me because it's so contradictory to their entire motivation. Most of us would think, " if you don't like me because I'm too successful for you or too many people are attracted to me just go away and leave me alone to forget about me." Well I'm here to tell you the emotional and mental state of people is usually not logically motivated. They still want to be around you because they still admire you. They probably have begun to seriously hate that they admire you by now. I assure you that if you try to leave someone who envies you they are very hard to get rid of. Envious people will stalk you for years after you have removed yourself from their life . It's because they are obsessed with the energy that you exude. They may have not had as much attention as they wanted when they were at your side but they miss it more than anything in the world. Long after you are gone they obsess over how far they may have gotten themselves in life riding on your coat tails. They may still be out there dressing like you and modeling themselves in your image which is why they still stalk you. They ask everyone who knows you what's going on in your life. It's so they can still keep up with competition against you. You may not care enough about them to know that they are still up to their bad habits. They will continue this behavior until they either wise up or find someone else's energy to feed off of and repeat the cycle. If they try to come back to you and you reject them they can become life long enemies. It's best not to entertain their attempts to come back into your life at all for this reason.

To avoid toxic connections to people that envy you observe behaviors in potential friends earlier on to prevent these kinds of relationships in the first place. Also be aware that envy can come from family members as well. In most cases our first experience with envy comes from a parent of the same sex or a sibling. Allowing envious people in your life will constantly drag down your self esteem and will drown you in drama and feelings of worthlessness. If you or someone you know has been a victim of a toxic envious relationship I advise forgiveness and taking steps to heal yourself of the residual pain and trauma associated with the toxic relationship.

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My mission is to provide proper mental and emotional help for those who need support to over come difficult life challenges. Many people need help with healing past trauma and increasing self esteem to overcome body image and self worth issues. I intend to provide information to help people better love themselves and achieve their dreams. I have been a successful body positive inspirational content creator since 2014. I will provide helpful information for other social media content creators that will help them grow and thrive in social media as well.


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