Phoenix, AZ

"I agreed to get married; I want the ring, but I don't feel like it," woman on wedding

Amy Christie

*This article is a work of nonfiction based on actual events recounted to me by a friend who witnessed them firsthand; used with permission

Accepting a proposal and a ring often means your relationship will be a permanent one, but sometimes a long engagement could make you reconsider your feelings.

What should you do if you were in love when you heard the proposal but as the wedding comes closer, you don't think you're ready for it after all? Is liking a ring enough to go ahead and get married or should you ask for more time and let your partner know you're doubting this step?

My friend Amanda, who lives in Phoenix, Arizona, has been dating her boyfriend, Niall, for two years. They met at a friend's party and stayed in touch after spending that whole evening talking.

"He was just so easy to get along with. Nothing like my previous boyfriend when I needed to think three times about what I was going to say, and he still wasn't pleased. With Niall, there was no stress, and I loved that," Amanda said.

They exchanged phone numbers before heading home, and she waited to get a call or a text from him. It took four days, but he did message her. And he apologized because he'd been on a work trip.

"I was a bit confused when I didn't get anything those four days. I thought maybe he didn't like me that much after all. And it was so exciting when he finally texted me and said he'd missed me too,' Amanda recalls.

After a few days of calls and texts, Niall asked her on a date. She said yes, and they met for dinner at a restaurant in Phoenix. They spent the evening talking, laughing, enjoying the food, and finding out more about each other. And they had such a good time that they went out again the very next day.

"Starting from there, we went on dates almost every day. It wasn't always dinner; it could be a walk in the park, shopping, or just watching a movie at his place or mine in Phoenix. Being together mattered more than what we were actually doing," Amanda said.

They kept seeing each other frequently as their relationship got closer, and they also met their families. Niall's parents weren't too happy about meeting Amanda because they knew she wanted a career, and she wasn't that interested in having kids soon. However, once they got talking and Amanda told them more about herself and what she liked, his mom got more friendly and invited her to come over whenever she had time so they could cook or just chat together.

"It wasn't the best start, but they warmed up to me, and I was pleased. I was comfortable with being part of their family when I saw his mom improve her attitude and was willing to be nice to me," Amanda said.

Her parents were also a bit doubtful about their relationship because Niall didn't have a high-paying job in Phoenix, but he explained he was doing his best to get a different position or a promotion, so they agreed to have him visit and support the couple.

Eight months into their relationship, Niall asked Amanda to move in together. She ended her lease and went to live in his apartment in Phoenix in just three days. She was sure a proposal couldn't be long in coming either.

"I got so excited. I mean, I'd been thinking about a ring for a while, and my friends were asking me too. And I wanted to see what it was like being in the same place and how we got along as our relationship got more serious," Amanda said.

They both woke up early and liked to have a clean home, so they didn't argue about having things tidy or sharing chores. Amanda and Niall didn't like cooking that much, but they could afford to get takeouts most evenings, so that wasn't an issue either.

Two months after she went to live with him, Niall proposed to her. Amanda said yes, and they set the wedding date two years after the proposal.

"We both wanted a big wedding, and that takes a lot of planning, so two years was good for that. I didn't want to rush into it; instead of taking the time to prepare the ceremony, choose a unique dress and a cake everyone would remember," Amanda said.

Both families got involved in planning the wedding, and the months went by as it got closer. It's just two months left until the big day, but Amanda isn't nearly as excited about it as she used to be.

"I'm happy when I see my parents so into it. And Niall likes to go for tastings and see about menus and stuff, but I'm not that interested anymore. I agreed to get married; I want the ring, but I don't feel like it. I love him, and I want our relationship to last, but a wedding just feels so stressful. I'm wondering if we really need all this and who we're doing it for. I told everyone a big wedding was exactly what I needed, but I'm not sure anymore. Even a small ceremony is a lot. I'd rather be together like we are now. We could still have a family. I don't know how to tell Niall that, and I'm embarrassed because our families worked so hard to plan it and pay for it, too," Amanda said.

As time passes, she feels less and less certain about having the party and the ceremony. Niall has noticed something is bothering her, but Amanda is worried about letting him know how she feels.

She doesn't want him to think she wants to leave him, but a wedding isn't her purpose anymore.

What do you think about this situation? Is it fair for Amanda to let things go on the same way if she doesn't want to get married anymore? Is there any easier way to let Niall know she cares about their relationship but no longer wants to marry him?

This is original content from NewsBreak’s Creator Program. Join today to publish and share your own content.

Comments / 6

Published by

Amy Christie is a passionate writer and journalist, always striving to bring out the positive and create meaningful connections.

Dallas, TX

More from Amy Christie

Comments / 0