Phoenix, AZ

"Every Saturday and Sunday, I can't get a reply to a message or a call," woman on boyfriend

Amy Christie

*This article is a work of nonfiction based on actual events recounted to me by a friend who witnessed them firsthand; used with permission

Finding the right person to have a committed relationship and raise a family gets more complicated if they're already married, but getting a divorce can change your situation.

Would you agree to wait until one marriage ends to have a closer relationship, and can you avoid telling anyone you're together just because your partner doesn't want to announce anything until their divorce is final? Do you think that's an indication that they respect their former spouse, or could it mean they don't care that much about you?

My friend Eliza, who lives in Phoenix, Arizona, has been dating her boyfriend, John, for ten months. They started seeing each other right after Eliza left her previous boyfriend and have been together ever since.

"We met the day after he moved out. I was sad and felt like I had no friends, and then while having lunch in Phoenix, I met John. He cheered me up immediately and could tell so many jokes. I gave him my phone number when we left, and he texted me in just two hours. It was great, and I could tell he liked me just as much as I did," Eliza said.

While he was very interested in talking to her again and texting every day, John took some time until he made up his mind to ask her to go on a date in Phoenix. And he usually couldn't talk to her over the weekends, which surprised Eliza a bit.

"I mean, no matter how busy work gets, there's always the weekend. But with him, it wasn't like that at all. Every Saturday and Sunday, I can't get a reply to a message or a call. And he said he was visiting family or helping his parents, but it kept happening, and I started thinking there was something else going on," Eliza said.

She didn't want to keep doubting or to try and find out for herself, so she asked John straight up if he was married. John told her he was but that he'd already started his divorce.

"I felt upset when he said he had a wife and only slightly better when he added he wanted to leave her. I would have preferred he'd told me before, but he was trying to be only with me. That was a good indication that he cared about me and our relationship," Eliza said.

John asked her to be patient as he ended his marriage and did all he could to have his home with Eliza. There was one thing he wanted to avoid doing until his divorce was done, and even though she agreed when she first found out, it started to bother Eliza as the weeks went by.

John wouldn't take any photos with her, not even as a memory for the different places they dined in around Phoenix or on their short trips away from their homes.

"He's getting a divorce, but he won't take pictures with me; he's hiding me. It makes me feel like I'm not really part of his life yet, just waiting for that moment. And the longer this continues, the more unusual I feel. If he's chosen me, what does it matter whether we take photos together or not? He's divorcing his wife; her feelings can't matter that much right now. I'm sure she's probably seeing someone else too. Their relationship is over, so why refuse all photos?" Eliza said.

John told her it was because he didn't want to offend his wife and also because his parents wouldn't like seeing he's started a relationship before his marriage was over.

In the meantime, Eliza is questioning whether he wants to go back to his wife and that relationship since no one from his family knows about them, and he hasn't told her when she can visit his parents or meet his sisters in Phoenix.

What do you think about this situation? Is it ok for John to avoid taking photos with his girlfriend if he says he wants to be with her and continue their relationship? Could he still want to try and be with his wife until the divorce ends, and that's why he won't have any photos with Eliza?

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Amy Christie is a passionate writer and journalist, always striving to bring out the positive and create meaningful connections.

Dallas, TX

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