Dallas, TX

"We agreed to get married in two years; his mom doesn't want our grandkids," fiancee on in-laws

Amy Christie

*This article is a work of nonfiction based on actual events recounted to me by a friend who witnessed them firsthand; used with permission

Having your partner propose to you and agreeing to get married is an exciting time in a relationship, but what do you do when all your plans are being questioned by your in-laws?

Is it ok to avoid them for a while until they change their mind, or should you reconsider your marriage just because they don't like you? And where does this leave your love for your partner if they can't stand up to their parents for you?

My friend Alex has been dating her boyfriend Nick for one year. They met while they were both studying in college in Dallas, Texas and shared several projects and notes. It wasn't just friendship, though, and they soon realized they wanted to spend more time together.

"We talked a lot about everything. We both had clear goals for the future and cared so much about our families and seeing them happy. His parents were older than mine, and it made sense for him to constantly find ways to help them and support them any way he could," Alex recalls.

They encouraged each other and stayed focused on their studies but, at the same time, they knew they were connected in a different way. After a while, they didn't just want to meet for studies. They went out for dinner, checked out new places to dance, and they took language classes together.

"Everything we did was interesting, and it felt like we wanted similar things and felt motivated by what we could learn. And I wanted to know more about him. He also asked me about my family, and I told him about my parents and my older sister," Alex said.

Things went on this way for several weeks until Nick asked her to go out again, but this time he pointed out it would be a date.

"He didn't want us to meet casually and behave like friends anymore. And I was tired of that too. It was like we were moving on past that phase in our relationship, and I needed more from him," Alex said.

Their first date was in their favorite restaurant in Dallas, Texas, and from that moment on, they met at least five times a week and called and texted each other whenever they couldn't be together.

"I had to visit my family sometimes, and they live in a different state. So, we would be away for five days or so. He called me in the morning and late at night to end the day together. And when he was doing a work project every two months or so, I made sure to text him from time to time and send positive thoughts so he would have great results," Alex said.

Eight months after their first date, Nick proposed to Alex. It was spontaneous, and it didn't involve booking a whole place to themselves or hiring a band to play while he said the words. It took place in Klyde Warren Park, and he just went down on one knee while they were having an evening picnic there.

"It was the nicest moment for me. I had been expecting it for quite some time, but what I thought couldn't compare to what he said. I was so happy to hear him ask me to be his wife. And when he put the ring on my finger, I knew he was the one for me," Alex said.

They set the wedding date two years after the proposal and then thought about the best way to let their families know.

"We took a short trip so Nick could be with me when I told my parents. They were happy for us, and mom promised to help me with the party details and to come shopping with me for a dress. My sister also wanted to get involved in preparing the ceremony, so both of them said they would come to Dallas for one weekend a month to do what they could to make our wedding special. My family liked Nick so much, and they felt our relationship would last a long time," Alex said.

Unfortunately, the moment they told Nick's parents about their wedding plans wasn't nearly as great as what took place in Alex's home. His dad asked how long their relationship had been going on and wasn't too pleased when he heard it was less than five years.

And his mom kept looking at Alex and saying she was trying to think about grandkids. In the end, they advised them to wait, and they didn't seem convinced they were a good couple. And Nick's mom added that postponing having kids might be better since she didn't think Alex would be a good mom.

"We agreed to get married in two years; his mom doesn't want our grandkids. I'm not canceling a wedding for them. If they don't like me now, maybe they will feel differently once the wedding gets closer. I can't do anything about it. And if we want to be parents, we certainly don't need their approval," Alex said.

Her fiance was confused when he realized his mom didn't approve of his choice but assured Alex he still wanted to get married to her. When she mentioned kids, he became more hesitant and said maybe they should listen to his mom and wait.

For now, it's not clear if there's any chance his parents will be more friendly toward Alex, but she's determined not to let that take away her happiness. She's thinking of the wedding and the reception after and has been talking a lot with her mom and sister about the wedding gown.

"They told me not to get upset and to just do what I feel. I can't be sad if my in-laws don't like me. I'm not marrying them after all. And Nick is just a bit surprised, but I know he wants to be a dad," Alex said.

What do you think about this situation? Is it fair for Nick's mom to interfere in his relationship and even tell the couple when to have kids? Should Alex pay more attention to Nick's reaction to what his mom told them, and is there a chance he will do as she said after all?

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Amy Christie is a passionate writer and journalist, always striving to bring out the positive and create meaningful connections.

Dallas, TX

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