Dallas, TX

"He blames me and keeps interrupting me; I want my marriage back," wife on husband

Amy Christie

*This article is a work of nonfiction based on actual events recounted to me by a friend who witnessed them firsthand; used with permission

A relationship started in a romantic way, including a special proposal and a wedding to remember, won't stay the same unless both partners make an effort to keep in touch with what they each need and want.

What do you do when your partner not only takes you for granted but also dedicates their time to pointing out your every fault and feels like everything can be blamed on you?

Is there any chance for things to improve, or will being patient only bring you more of the same thing?

My friend Denise has been married to her husband Jim for eight years. They have two daughters together, and she's a stay-at-home mom. Denise gave up on her job after their second daughter was born and has since looked after their little girls while keeping the house tidy and preparing meals for everyone.

"I could still work when we had just one daughter, but with two kids, it was just too difficult to keep it up. I thought about finding some part-time work, but Jim said I didn't have to because his salary was enough to cover all our expenses," Denise said.

In the first few months of staying home in Dallas, Texas, her relationship with her husband stayed the same, but slowly she noticed something was different.

"It wasn't what he said. He was still nice and brought me flowers. But I felt like he thought I no longer had activities that mattered, even if he cared about our little girls and me. He didn't share what he was working on and kept telling me what to cook or which plate to serve the meals on," Denise said.

As time went by, the mom noticed Jim didn't take her opinion into account when deciding on things for their family. He didn't even consult her when he changed the furniture or when he got new carpets for the living room.

"He behaved like he could determine everything by himself because now he was the only one with a salary. It was so unfair, and I wanted different colors and sometimes other types of couches. But whenever I said anything about it, he said I should be grateful I have the chance to stay home and be with the girls when there are so many single moms struggling out there. I know he supported us, and I appreciated that. But I felt like I didn't matter, and it was upsetting," Denise said.

She decided to be patient and wait for her husband to change the way he behaved. Unfortunately, waiting didn't do anything to improve their family situation. Instead, their relationship got even worse as he began questioning whether she really did everything right as a housewife.

Gradually, he found fault with her cooking, and then looked for dust in different places, and even told her their daughters' clothes were not the right colors.

"He disliked the seasoning; he said the meat was overdone. He couldn't stand baked fish, my fries were never crunchy enough, the eggs didn't smell good, and I spent so much time in the kitchen just to see him frown and sometimes refuse to eat. And he never lets me finish what I'm saying if I try to explain that the food is actually ok," Denise said.

She's uncomfortable with the way things are, but she doesn't want to lose her family. On the other hand, she doesn't think it's ok for her daughters to see their dad treating their mom like this.

"That's not the kind of relationship I want them to expect later on. I talked to him and asked him to be nicer and to take me into account, but he only criticized me some more on the days I brought it up. He blames me and keeps interrupting me; I want my marriage back," Denise shared.

She talked to her parents about her husband's reactions, but they don't think it's something to worry about. In their opinion, Denise is overreacting because she has too much free time, and being at home makes her focus too much on Jim's opinion.

What do you think about this situation? Is the way Jim treats his wife ok, or should he stop blaming her for things and listen carefully to what she has to say? Should Denise keep waiting for him to change, or is it time to get a divorce and go on with her life, possibly find another partner who values her and sets a good example for her daughters?

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Amy Christie is a passionate writer and journalist, always striving to bring out the positive and create meaningful connections.

Dallas, TX

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