Father pressures teen sons to move back in with him to help care for grandmother with dementia, sons decline, father mad

Amarie M.

Evidently, two 17-year-old twin brothers had such a negative experience living with their father in the past that they do not want to live with him again, especially since he wants them to move back in to help take care of his mentally disabled mother.

**This article is based on information sourced from social media, psychology, and caregiving websites, cited within the story**

One of the sons took to a Reddit post to explain the situation regarding his 58-year-old dad wanting him and his 17-year-old twin brother to move back in for the purpose of taking care of his 83-year-old mother.

Here is what the son explains:

My parents got divorced when I was 13 and I first lived with my dad for 3 years and it was horrible. He worked night shifts at a job he hated so I was alone during the day. He would often come home late and night and drink and end up getting very angry and yelling at me, blaming me for the divorce and just many bad things.

He further explains that he moved back with his mother last year because he would get into huge arguments with his father. He said his father called him lazy and he also became depressed living with him. He says living with his mother is better for his mental health. He also said that his twin brother remembers what it was like living with their dad as well.

It is significant to note that when it comes to father-son relationships, research shows that positive father-son quality time spent can decrease the likelihood of depression in boys, according to Dr. Daniel Flint Ph.D. of Psychology Today.

It is apparent that the Reddit poster lacked this type of positive interaction with his father. He did say that he still talked to his father regularly even though they are not close. In the post, he talks about a call from his father asking that he and his brother move back to live with him, stating:

My father called us saying he had something serious to ask us. He explained that his mother was diagnosed with dementia 6 months ago and he had just found out now from her current husband (88). He couldn’t take care of her so she went to go to a Senior Care Facility and that’s where she’s been the last 6 months. Her current husband said that the monthly payment is $3,500 for her to live there and he’s been selling things they own so he can afford it.

He goes on to explain that his grandmother described the senior care facility as a prison and hated living there. So his dad proposed that he move her in with him because he says that she's still cognitive at about 70% even though the dementia was noticeable. But the bigger issue for the son is the dad also proposing that he and his brother move back (to the midwest from the west coast) and be caregivers for their grandmother.

He stated how it would likely be:

My father is single, living by himself and works 10 Hour shifts and would need someone at home to watch her when he’s away.

As expected, he then says that both he and his brother declined, to which his father became furious. He states:

Obviously I felt horrible but we are about to go to college as we’re seniors in high school right now plus I’ve only met my grandmother 1 time and haven’t spoke to her in over 7-8 years. My father then explodes with rage saying how selfish we’re being letting our grandmother rot away in a facility. I just don’t want to experience what it was like to live with him again and I’m gonna be busy with my own life.

Grandchildren taking care of grandparents is not unheard of, according to the Caregiving in the U.S. 2020 report. The research reveals that 24 percent of caregivers are between 18 and 34, with 17 percent reporting that they care for grandparents.

The Reddit poster asked a question regarding whether or not he was wrong for not moving back with his father for the sole purpose of helping with his mom with dementia.


What are your thoughts?


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Relationship coach and social media enthusiast

Louisville, KY

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