You can have control over more than you realize
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who made you feel like you weren’t enough?
And, did it cause you to experience pain on the inside of your soul to the point of exhaustion sometimes?
Something like this happening can make you feel extremely heavy in your heart and wonder why.
You may go over situations in your head trying to pinpoint exactly what you did wrong, or what did you not do that you should have done, to make the person not see you as unworthy.
But, perhaps it’s time you contemplate something different like maybe you didn’t do anything wrong.
Maybe that person just doesn’t realize your worth.
Being in an unfulfilling relationship is one of many ways that can make you doubt your worth, which can transform itself into you ignoring your own worth just to try and please somebody else.
“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.”
This is a lesson that I had to learn for myself because I always seemed to struggle with self-worth.
I was a hopeless people-pleaser, often doing whatever to make somebody else happy, even when it was a huge sacrifice in some way on my part.
This reminds me of the movie, I Feel Pretty, about a woman who struggled with her self-worth because she was so insecure about how she looked.
In the movie, she was injured in a fall and when she woke up, she had this belief that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. So, she lived her life fearlessly empowered by her new confidence.
The turning point for me in this movie was when she realized that her look never changed, only her OUTlook.
She had discovered the value of her worth.
That movie got me thinking a bit more about knowing the value of my worth, and how I could use it to my advantage, instead of somebody else’s advantage who was only using me.
Do you know your own worth?
Self-worth is the value you place on yourself as a human being.
It’s all about your self-esteem and should not be predicated on what anybody else thinks about you — even though it’s sometimes not so easy to remember this.
Knowing your worth comes from within.
We measure our worth in many ways like by our appearance, careers, money status, and relationships for example.
But measuring your worth against these outside forces can lead to feelings of worthlessness, which has been my experience.
And I get it.
You want to feel like you “measure up” to whatever it is that something or what someone deems is worthy. And when you feel like you’re measuring up, it’s a good feeling.
But, it’s not such a good feeling when you feel like you fall short sometimes. This is when your self-esteem can take a hit.
Just know that other people or material things do not determine your worth.
Allowing this to happen just sets us up to be controlled and pulled back and forth with our emotions. Then, we end up losing ourselves.
Knowing your worth is knowing who you are, being pleased with that person, and loving yourself enough to not allow anyone else to imprint their opinions about you onto your self-worth.
This way, you will believe in yourself even if somebody else doesn’t. And, you’ll find the peace and a sense of release that you deserve.
This is true whether the one you love doesn’t love you back, you’ve lost your job, you didn’t lose weight, you didn’t get a promotion, you don’t have a lot of money, or whatever challenge to your self-esteem rears its ugly head.
Never again should you work harder to make other people happier than you do to be happy yourself.
Understand that your happiness matters more than pleasing somebody else.
So, what I do now is measure myself against ways that I want to improve — for me. I no longer chase after temporary self-esteem boosts that I might get from other people.
And I’ve also learned the difference between what determines my worth and what doesn’t determine my worth.
Things that shouldn’t determine your self-worth
Getting a whole lot of stuff done
Yes. I said stuff. Accomplishments should be celebrated and they matter, of course. But, it’s not healthy to base your whole feelings of worth on achievements.
If you do, then what happens when some things just don’t get done or continuous success in certain areas does not happen? Feeling good about yourself should not depend on how much you can check off of a to-do list.
Your job status (good or bad) does not determine your value as a person. Your job does not define who you are as a person or your identity. Your job is something you do, not something you are.
The relationship you’re in
It is extremely important to remember that you had a life before you got into that relationship.
Remembering this will help if you get too caught up and end up feeling like your relationship is what you’re living for.
You are a unique individual who should define your relationship, not the other way around.
How much money you have
No matter what your bank account is worth, it doesn’t define your worth as a person. It’s the things that money can’t buy that define who we are in this world.
So, whether you have $1 in the bank or $1 million, you are worthy.
Your social media followers
In today’s digital world, social media following can easily be seen as a measure of one’s worth.
How many likes, retweets, claps, follows, or comments you get doesn’t determine your worth in any area. Just keep giving value to the following that you do have and more will come in time.
This is my favorite. Never let anybody make you feel less than because of your age, whether you’re young or older.
Your age does not define you. It’s just a reflection of who you are at a given moment in time.
Young people have accomplished more than some people double their age, and some older people have achievements greater than many half their age.
Listen, if you are unhappy with your appearance for any reason, then it’s perfectly ok to make changes for yourself, not for anybody else.
Your looks do not define your worth.
People who base their importance on their physical appearance may fall into a dark place when their beauty begins to fade. Do you and work what you got. You are more than your face or body.
One of the worse things you can do is worry about what other people have, how they look, or what they’re doing, and then compare yourself to them.
Understand that your perception of other people’s worth doesn’t define your worth. We all have gifts, talents, and value to add to this world. Remember, that you matter.
I’m all for the value and benefits of education. But the truth of the matter is much of what we know, we didn’t learn in school.
Learning can come from many sources that nurture our intelligence, wisdom, creativity, talents, and gifts. Grades don’t determine your IQ or your EQ for that matter. Neither do they measure your worth.
How many friends you have
Being the most popular person with a ton of friends may be the desire of some people. But, personally, I only have a few real friends that I can count on.
Whether you have many, just a few, or only a couple of friends, what matters is the quality of those friendships.
Your self-worth should not be predicated on the number of people that have the title of “friend” in your life. But be sure that the people you call friends value your worth.
The bottom line
Your worth is what you decide it to be.
You teach people how to treat you and how you treat yourself is entirely up to you.
You are a worthy person because you say that you’re worthy.
Believe in yourself and trust the fact that you are enough. To embrace this is to engage your superpower.
NOTE: The following contains affiliate links.
Interested in staying informed about local, national, and world news? Sign up with my user referral link.
If you’re also interested in writing as a side hustle, sign up using my contributor referral link, and we'll both earn more. Be sure to use your link when you write.
If you enjoy my writing, feel free to Buy Me A Coffee. I'd appreciate that!