You can start again anytime you choose
This morning I jumped out of bed at 5 am when my alarm went off.
Something was different today though. I was happy.
I actually woke up before my alarm, and instead of instantly being bombarded by an onslaught of unhelpful thoughts that normally come at that hour (you know the ones I’m talking about, because they’re likely the same ones that enter your mind at whatever hour you wake up), I actually felt excited.
My New Life
It was day one of “my new life,” as I’m calling it. It had arrived once again!
At that second when my alarm beeped me out from under my covers, it didn’t matter that I have started on this path many times before. It didn’t matter that this wasn’t my first attempt at waking up early and once again trying to establish a daily morning routine for myself.
What mattered was that I was going to do it. I was going to get up at 5 am today and every day after this.
I was going to change my life once and for all, and it started with today. Right now. It started the moment I chose to get up, walk over to the alarm clock, turn it off — and not go back to sleep.
It started with the excitement I felt when I woke up and realized all the fun things that were waiting for me: all the books to be read, the things to be grateful for, the visualizations and affirmations that make me dream, the peace of my silent meditation, just being.
Hal Elrod was right. Treating yourself to a motivating morning routine really can make you feel like a kid in a candy store again! (Or maybe that’s just me). It’s okay if it is.
A Change of Season
This morning not only marked a change in my life, but also an abrupt change in seasons, apparently.
As I sat in silence on my couch this morning, the wind was whipping and roaring just outside my window. I could feel its strength, its fury, swirling in every direction, blowing spurts of chilly air at me through the tiny gaps left by our air conditioner vent.
I knew it must be cold this morning; it sounded cold. But still, I wasn’t prepared for what I saw when I peered out our little window overlooking the cars parked down below: white stuff, blowing in circles and coming down hard.
I guess winter has arrived early this year! I thought.
November 1st, and already the grass, the cars, the roofs of nearby houses are lined with a light blanket of snow.
Feeling a bit frazzled, I went downstairs to start the car and brush it off, to no avail. Where was our snowbrush?
The wicked wind had blown our recycling bins over, and pieces of cardboard and paper were scattered all over the back deck and side yard.
I wasn’t prepared for this wintery surprise this morning; but winter didn’t seem to care. The wind kept whipping and howling, and the snow kept falling.
A Change In Me
The start of this month will be one to remember! (For a few reasons).
This early winter also marked the start of my 31st year! Two days ago, I turned the big 3–0. On the surface, it didn’t seem much different than any of my other recent birthdays, but inside, I knew something in me had shifted.
The idea of turning 30 made some kind of silent mark on me; like adulthood was suddenly real — but not in the “I’m doomed! Everything is downhill from here! My life is over!” kind of way.
Instead, it once again felt exciting; like this was somehow my time. Like I had been waiting for this milestone to finally give me permission to live life on my own terms.
It was like a voice inside was saying:
“Alright, listen up. I’m not going to say this again. You’ve survived your 20s. You’ve done enough to know what you don’t want. Now it’s time to do what you know you want. If not now, then when? It’s time.”
That voice is what got me up and out of bed at 5 am this morning, and it’s also the voice that got me to sit in this chair at this desk, and write over 1,500 words this morning.
It’s the voice that will take me anywhere I want to go.
But I have to be careful.
There is another voice lurking deep down, hiding in the shadows of the voice that spurs me on. It’s there, waiting to pounce as soon as I turn my attention away from the first voice.
It’s up to me to decide which one I will choose to listen to more. Which one will I let win?
The Two Wolves Within
I love this Cherokee proverb I read recently.
It goes like this:
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.
“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good — he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
My 31st year is the true test of that.
Whenever I feel like giving up, I have this story to remember.