Opinion: Secret to Having a Loving Relationship

Abdullah Ali Akbar Reja
The Powerful Secret to a Loving Relationship

Several aspects contribute to the formation of a loving relationship. It certainly helps if two people have an interest in how they want to spend their time. It also helps if they share ideas about religion or spirituality, politics, the environment, abortion, and personal development.

It helps if they both consume fast food or organic food. It makes things simpler if both are tidy or dirty, if both are punctual or if both are late. Physical attractiveness is also essential. It's ideal if it shares similar ideas about money and spending.

However, if one of these elements is missing, a couple can have all these but still not have a loving relationship. All the other excellent characteristics will not be enough to make the relationship succeed unless this vital factor is there.

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Falling for the Lieby Terra J Penn

This essential ingredient is about intention.

At any one time, each of us focused on one of two primary goals: control or learning. When we intend to control, our innermost goal is to manage how much love we get, how much sorrow we avoid, and how safe we feel. When we set out to study, our ultimate motivation is to learn how to love ourselves and others.

The need to be loved instead of loved may wreak havoc on a relationship.

Let’s study a typical relationship issue and see what happens regarding the two different intentions. Jason and Samantha are feeling emotionally distant from one another, and they didn't make love for a month. The matter started when Samantha stated that she wanted to request an upscale vacation, and Jason objected. Samantha got angry, Jason gave in, and that became distant.

Samantha's intention was to possess control over getting what she wanted. She equates a fashionable vacation amorously – if Jason does this for her, he may prove his love for her. She used her anger as some way to possess control over getting what she wanted. She wants control over her feelings for Jason.

on his own-to-own control over Samantha not being angry with him. He hopes that by giving Samantha what she wants, she wants to see him as an honest and loving husband.

However, because both Jason and Samantha were trying to regulate one another instead of being loving to themselves and every other, their interaction created emotional distance.

What would this have sounded like if their intention had been to learn?

Samantha would not have been enraged if her goal had been revealed. Instead, she would have been curious about Jason's arguments. Jason would not have handed himself up if he had intended to be told. Instead, he would have tried to understand why Samantha valued this specific vacation so much. Instead of wanting to be loved or escape suffering, Samantha and Jason would be concerned with themselves and each other. They'd have learned all they needed to know – about themselves and each other – via their mutual investigation of why they each felt the way they did.

Instead of Samantha seemingly winning and Jason losing, they'd come up with something that both of them could do. Jason may need to conclude that the vacation Samantha desired is OK after some investigation of his financial anxieties. Samantha may need to choose a more cost-effective trip now that she understands Jason's financial issues. In any situation, they would have been satisfied with the outcome.

No matter how much Jason and Samantha have in common or are interested in one another, their love will fade when their intention is to regulate rather than learn. It's astonishing how quickly love fades when one or both people are keen on controlling it. It's equally lovely how quickly it returns when both parties are eager to be told.

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Founder CEO of IFRAZ.BD 8+ Years of Professional Industrial Engineer in Apparel Industry Besides that, I am a Digital Marketing Professional, Blogger, Graphics Designer, Content Creator, Affiliate Marketing Experts, and Article Writer.

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