Choosing a new name can be an incredibly powerful gesture for transgender or gender non-conforming people, helping them feel more affirmed and accepted in their lives. So when a father and his three sons attend the wedding of the father's sister, they leave after the sister refers to his transgender son by his deadname, despite being asked not to.
**This article is based on material obtained from sources pertaining to social media, academic, and medical websites, which is referenced within the narrative**
In his Reddit post, a 45-year-old man sadly mentions that his wife died ten years ago. Currently, the single man has three sons: Andrew (17), Connor (15), and Max (14). And while Connor was born a female, he currently makes up 0.6% of the U.S. population, or more than 1.6 million adults and teenagers (ages 13–17), who identify as transgender - at least socially, but not yet physically.
The father conveyed that his 38-year-old sister recently got married and had invited him, as well as his sons, to the wedding ceremony.
My family has known that Connor is trans for 2 years now, some have adjusted well, some not so much. My sister is pretty indifferent about it.
According to the father, his sister wanted all the men to sport shirts and ties, while the female attendees were encouraged to don sundresses. And on the day before the ceremony was to take place, he texted his sister a photo of everyone's clothes.
In response, the sister texted her brother back:
'where's Nia's dress?'
Apparently, "Nia" was Connor's name before he transitioned, which, as mentioned previously, the sister was totally aware of. So naturally, he was a little shocked by her question and told her not to "deadname" his son.
By the way, "deadnaming," according to child and adolescent psychiatrist Jason Lambrese, M.D., is addressing someone with an incorrect name, usually, the name they were assigned at birth. In other words, the old them has passed away; therefore, their current name should be used to honor and recognize who they are now.
After the man told his sister not to deadname his kid, he made sure to point out that Connor would be at her wedding in a shirt and tie like the other men, or else they wouldn't be going at all.
In his own words:
She said 'fine' and that was it.
However, even though she agreed to Connor showing up in attire like the other men, she still seemed angry but didn't really make much of it. But things turned ugly when they sat down at their table only to find a card with Connor's deadname: "Nia."
The father explained what happened next:
I went to my sister and she said she used 'their real name'. I told her me and the boys are leaving and she told me 'don't you dare cause a scene at MY WEDDING, Nia can be a guy any other day.'
After calling his sister a "bigot," he and his children left the wedding. And as far as his family is concerned, they say he "ruined" her big day.
What do you think?
Did he ruin her wedding?
Tell me your thoughts in the comments, and don't forget to share this article with your friends and family.
Thanks for reading,
Herman, Jody L., Flores, Andrew R., O'Neill, Kathryn K. "How Many Adults and Youth Identify as Transgender in the United States?" UCLA, Williams Institute School of Law
"Why Deadnaming Is Harmful." Cleveland Clinic
u/Daddofthree. "AITA for storming off from my sister's wedding after she deadnamed my son?" Reddit
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