Apparently, a married man has not had any contact with his sister since he got married. His wife knows the whole family story about why they don't talk, but recently she's been in contact with the sister, and her husband is unhappy about it. Recently, he took to Reddit to share with the public what happened.
**This article is based on material obtained from sources pertaining to social media and psychology websites, which is referenced within the narrative**
The author of the post is a 28-year-old man who has been married for four years. Together, he and his wife have a 2-year-old son. Despite having only one sister, he has had no contact with her since his nuptials four years ago. Evidently, his wife is aware that not only does he lack communication with his sister, but he also shares a sour relationship with their mother.
The man reflected on the reasons why his relationship with his mother and sister had become so strained as he wrote:
We were a pretty typical family until my mom cheated my senior year of high school with a coworker.
According to a study by the American Psychological Association, an astonishing 20-40% of divorces are caused by infidelity. An affair may be the catalyst for divorce; however, pre-existing issues in the marriage likely existed before its discovery. If couples neglect to face their marital issues, discontentment might develop, and one or both spouses may be driven elsewhere for solace.
With that noted, he mentioned:
My dad moved out immediately and I moved with him. This caused the riff between me and my sister. My sister believed since my mom was sorry and it was a one time thing (as she claimed which I don’t for a second believe) and was trying to reconcile thru the church that me and my dads refusal to speak with her was somehow wrong.
After a while, his sister stopped communicating with their father. Moreover, 2016 was the last time he saw his mother, and the only contact they had was when she attempted an uninvited visit to his wedding in 2019.
He explained:
She was not invited but my sister was out of courtesy. My sister didn’t show up and we have not spoken since. My wife knew when she married me that my only family was my dad and my cousins. She said it was okay and she didn’t care.
A few months back, his wife received a phone call from his brother-in-law (the sister's husband), whom he had never met. The brother-in-law expressed his desire to start rebuilding the relationship and extended an invitation for them to come to meet their children.
Without hesitation, the man denied his brother-in-law's request. Yet his sister persisted by sending photos of her children to his wife, leading her to reciprocate with pictures of their own kids in exchange.
In his own words:
I told her multiple times I did not like this and she told me she could send pics to whoever she wants. I said that if she keeps testing my boundaries she will be a single parent really soon. That she signed up for me as is.
And as far as his comment about signing up for him "as is," psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein Ph.D. infers that while his wife might want to adjust her husband's behavior or attitude, that isn't likely going to happen. Bernstein notes that it's not always that simple because our personalities remain mostly unchanged as we get older. He says that a quick glance at a high school reunion would be enough evidence for this fact. Thus, expecting your loved one to "stop being the way they are" is probably an unrealistic expectation.
His wife, however, pushed back and argued that it was unfair to keep their son away from his family, but he responded by inquiring why, if he doesn't maintain a relationship with his sister or brother-in-law, should his son?
His wife's remark infuriated him, as he had explained his family drama to her for years, yet now, according to him, she seemed unwilling to comprehend why his mother couldn't meet their child. He explained:
I said she really needs to think about who she wants to appease because I’m not gonna stand for disrespect of my boundaries.
All the while, his father has taken his side and suggested that he begin saving money for a backup plan, or as he put it, an "exit strategy." Essentially, his father warned him that the behavior of his son's wife was all too reminiscent of what his mother used to do, and he should take caution now.
What do you think?
Tell me your thoughts in the comments, and don't forget to share this article with your friends and family.
Thanks for reading,
Abby
Sources
Buscho, Ann Gold Ph.D. "Is Your Marriage Doomed After an Affair?" Psychology Today
u/thegoldenstitch. "AITA for forbidding my sister to meet my child and telling my wife to butt out of the situation?" Reddit
Bernstein, Jeffrey Ph.D. "3 Ways to Stop Family Drama." Psychology Today
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