Mom Wants to Tell Son’s Girlfriend About His “Secret” Before She Proposes

Abby Joseph

*With the source's consent, the following is a work of nonfiction based on the experiences of a close friend.

Secrets can be difficult to keep, especially when the person you are keeping the secret from is someone you care about and have a right to know.

Secrets can cause tension and mistrust and can also be a burden, weighing you down emotionally.

In some cases, it may be better to come clean and tell the truth, even if it means facing consequences.

"The love I have for my 26-year-old son is unquestionable."

It is likely that many other people are wary of him due to his diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) - which is a secret to nearly everyone outside of the immediate family. His disorder's major hallmarks are his extreme mood swings, impulsive actions, and significant issues with his sense of self.

So it was not long after he was born that he began exhibiting odd, unsettling behaviors. Early on in his schooling, he had a great deal of difficulty understanding the material. And the moment I caught him hitting his younger sibling, I knew he was in need of professional assistance.

Fortunately, as a result of treatment and reinforcement, his negative actions began to diminish with age.

As soon as he was able to control his anger, he was able to have the most productive years of his life. His social circle is quite fond of him, he has a respectable occupation, and he has managed to gain a solid educational background as well.

In particular, female admirers are swooning over him. The charisma and attractiveness of this young man ensure that he does not have any difficulty in attracting and holding the attention of beautiful women.

It happens that he has a girl in his life right now who is quite in love with him, and I happen to have a very special bond with her as well. Because of her brilliant, witty, and kind personality, she has won my heart.

In all honesty, I don't think my son loves her very much.

I have had open and frank discussions with him regarding his mental health since the day he was diagnosed, and he has been upfront about the fact that he cannot feel affection for anyone, even for his own family members.

In addition, he claims he is unfamiliar with the emotion of guilt since he has never experienced it.

There is now evidence that BPD is a misdiagnosis, and a new therapist is advising a much stronger focus on antisocial personality disorder as opposed to BPD.

I happen to agree.

People with this disorder are often referred to as “sociopaths” or “psychopaths.” But it gets worse. It seems his girlfriend thinks my son is "the one" and has even hinted that she is going to propose to him soon (she isn't a traditional gal at all).

He's been very honest with me about his fears of losing her if she finds out about his illness.

My advice to him was to tell her the truth before continuing their relationship. I would not want this young lady to go into a marriage blindfolded because I have a great deal of concern for her life and future.

In my mind, what I'm thinking about doing has nothing to do with ruining things for my kid in any way. I’m not her mom, so in the end, she's the one responsible for making the call to propose, but it's only fair for her to have all the information to weigh in on in order to make the right decision.

It is only a matter of time before she realizes that there is something truly "different" about him, and I fear it will only get much worse from there. However, I still feel like there is an overwhelming need to share everything with her.

And soon.

What are your thoughts?

What should my friend do?

Let me know what you think in the comments, and don't forget to share this article with your friends and family.

Thanks for reading,


Comments / 369

Published by

The go-to source for helpful guides and unique American stories.

Palm Beach, FL

More from Abby Joseph

Comments / 0